Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
