i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
