On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
