dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
