if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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