how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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