went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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