i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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