I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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