So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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