whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
