I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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