Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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