Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
