Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
