Swine flu. Run for my life!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
