his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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