I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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