if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
