Don't you send me to vm
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
