Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
