My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
