hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
