i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
