Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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