Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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