I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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