dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
