my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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