your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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