I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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