In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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