I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
