I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
