I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
