So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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