I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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