these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
