I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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