Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
