Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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