You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
