Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
