Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
