I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I look better un-naked...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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