Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
