one two three fourrrrnication!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
