I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
