Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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