Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
