Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
