So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
