life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
